The Middle Wife!

Here's an oldie, but goodie, sent to me today by a former client! I always get a laugh out of it, so I'm sharing with any of you who may not have seen it yet. Enjoy!

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher..

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them.. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.' She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife.. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this..' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little
hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

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Springtime in my kitchen

Several of my orchids are deciding to bloom at once. My kitchen window ledge is full of springtime!!







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Cool cars

I've always been fascinated by the way people decorate cars to suit their personality. Recently I've seen quite a few of them in my area, and just this week, managed to photograph two of the cute ones I parked close to. I'll have to see if I can get more pictures soon -- in the meantime, enjoy these!

A VW with "LADY BG" tags -- decorated with magnetic lady bug stickers, cool flowered seat covers, and really nice tail light covers!

Shock Top!! I saw this one clear across the parking lot and had to go check it out -- it's an advertisement for a brand of beer!! Several people tell me it's a good beer. I wouldn't know; I hate the stuff, myself!! But the car is still pretty cool!

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Our unexpected day in New York!

On Tuesday evening, our friend Toshi called. Turns out her family was supposed to go to NYC the next day, but their son was running a high fever, and they didn't think they should go. She GAVE us three bus passes to NYC AND three tickets to see "The Lion King" on Broadway!! Oh, my goodness, what a HUGE and unexpected surprise! We hurriedly made plans to pick up Morgan from VA, re-arrange our day on Wednesday to accomodate this, and got up early on Wednesday to meet the bus. Here are a few shots from our fun day!

Yes, it WAS cold!!

Signage outside the theater

Girls in front of another "Lion King" sign, with Morgan sporting her new hat and scarf bought from a street vendor

We visited the Toys R Us on Times Square -- the one with the huge in-door ferris wheel! Of course, the girls had to take a ride. Here's the car they ended up in!

The Lego displays are incredible. Check out this huge tower and the helicopter hanging from the ceiling behind it.

Morgan checking out a Lego replica of the Empire State Building.

Mackenzie posing in front of the "chandelier" in the Barbie house!

The girls found these pincher-type grabbing gadgets -- and of course, a pinching battle had to ensue!

Hanging out with King Candy in the Candyland section!

The gross-out moment of the day -- in the candy section, we found this disgusting item -- "Larvets"!! These are actually crispy larva, and in this case, cheddar-cheese flavored...... uck. (And no, we did NOT try them!)

Back outside on Time Square, we were amused to see that the crystal ball already had the sign in front of it for 2012! They stay ahead of things in NY, don't they?

A view up Time Square in one direction.....

....and then the other!

Inside the theater was an ENORMOUS wooden sculpture of Mufasa (which ended up also being a pivotal prop in the play).

Think they were just a BIT excited to be at the play??

The costume for Scar.

What an amazing and completely unexpected day!! Thanks again, Toshi, for this wonderful gift!

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Relationships?

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother's....

....then adopt a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want ....

....then adopt a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies.....

....then adopt a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores....

....then adopt a dog !

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually ...

....then adopt a dog.

BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness ....

.

..

...

....

..

..

....then adopt a cat!

You thought I was gonna say... Marry a man, didn't you?

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